Twins at School

Should my twins be kept together or separated at school?
This largely depends on three factors

1. The space available in school, some schools only have one class per year (some small schools have one class for infants and one class for juniors so obviously you have no choice but to keep them together.)

2. School policy some schools have a policy that twins stay together, or twins are separated. However if you feel that your twins would benefit from the opposite of the school policy don’t be afraid to ask for your twins to be either separated or kept together. Your head teacher may have a good reason for why this is the case, but equally might take into consideration what you feel would be best for your twins. It is better to go speak to the school than to feel that your twins would be better off together / separate.

3. Lastly (and possibly most importantly) it depends on your individual twins.

Some twins are very co-dependent (“they need each other”) if this is the case with your twins this may be a good case for splitting them up if at all possible as in the longer term your twins will NEED to be able to cope individually, rather than simply relying on their twin. However some co-dependent twins become very unhappy when separate. In this case it is sensible to reverse the separation after a few weeks if they really don’t feel happy being separated.

Other sets of twins have one who is quite dominant and the other one is more laid back or passive, and sometimes it can help greatly separating the twins in this instance, so that the more passive one has to stand on their own feet and the more dominant one can make friends with someone with similar interests.

Some twins are fairly equally matched in terms of personality, have a good sense of themselves as individuals and feel fairly confident doing their own thing, and in this instance splitting them up or keeping them together will be equally appropriate.

What difference does it make if I split them up or keep them together at school?
This depends on the individual twins. Some twins thrive in a school environment together, others do better apart, others are absolutely fine whether together or apart. Some twins find it nicer to stay together, others fine they like having some space from their twin, able to grow academically without having constantly to see how well (or badly!) their twin is doing in comparison. Some competitive twins do better in separate classes. Some twins who like being together either hate being apart or suddenly find that they become more confident after a spell in a class without their twin. Really it depends on the individuals involved and what works for one set of twins might not be as beneficial to another set.

Don’t twins always NEED to be together?
Not necessarily. Twins can need some time apart from their twin. At first you might find that your twins miss each other, but after a while it becomes second nature to them and they do not think anything of it.  As I said above those twins who “need to be together” probably SHOULD be separated at least some of the time as they need to learn to cope without each other.

Outward Clues as to who is who
If you do decide to keep them in the same class please ensure everyone knows which twin is which!

Twins may look cute dressed identically but it is very hard for teachers to distinguish between sets of twins especially if they are very alike in looks.

 It is important to do this so that each child in the class has a good idea who he or she is talking to. Simple measures could be taken like different styles of shoe or a different hair slide for girls could really help this. Some sets of twins find that most of their classmates started every conversation with “which one are you?”  .

If I do separate them will they cope?
If you do decide to separate them you might be surprised at how well they do cope without each other. It may take a while for them to adjust to being apart but most twins who are in separate classes tend to cope really well. Coping alone is a good skill to have, as later in life they will have to cope.

What if you try separate classes and they really are not coping at all?
If you feel that they really are not coping and have given it at least 6 weeks, contact your head teacher and ask to discuss other options such as moving them both into the same class.

I think it would be a good idea to separate them but aren’t they a little bit little being separated at age 4?

There are two ways you could approach separating them,

1. You could be brave and set them off in separate classes right from reception, all the other children in the class will be new and having to cope on their own. This works best if the school system allows them to meet up during the school day. Some schools have a set system where things like literacy and numeracy get taught by ability group or age group so they may get put together for this. Usually twins can meet up in the playground at playtime so they can spend some time with each other then.

2. If you wanted to take a little more time before separating them you could get the class teacher to put them in separate working groups whilst in reception so they get used to the idea of being a little bit apart, and then once they go up to Year 1 you could then ask for them to be put in separate classes.

Coping with different levels of ability
Twins may or may not be at exactly the same academic level as each other. Sometimes you will find that one twin is very good say at maths and the other one at art. It is important that you show your twins that it is great that they are good at their individual subjects and that they should work hard to get better at the subjects they are less good at.

Watch out for twins who feel that they do not need to try at certain subjects because their twin is good at them. They need to develop all their individual skills. Praise them for their efforts. Never ever say “well she can do it why can’t you?” it just doesn’t help at all!

Twins should always be encouraged to work at their own individual pace not at the pace of the faster or slower twin. It can be hard when say you have one twin ready for moving up to the next swimming class (as an example ) and the other one is not ready. Try to allow the one who is ready to move up the chance to move up, don’t feel you have to wait or keep them both down until they are both ready to move up (unless of course it would be too much of a nightmare to organize!)

Celebrate each twins individual achievements. I know of a set of twins where one twin always scored 75-80% and her twin scored around 10% less all the time, the one who had a lower score always felt a bit thick in comparison, but in actual fact she was still doing amazingly well and working at her full potential.

Competitiveness in twins
By the time that twins reach 4-6 years they will be quite strongly aware of their own limitations and abilities and will have probably however subconsciously noted that they have strengths in some areas and weaknesses in others this is highlighted in the case of twins because they have a constant source of reference in their twin.

They may not feel that they are as good at or as interesting or whatever as their twin and as a result may decide not to try quite as hard because he or she is better than me.

It is a good idea to point out that they are going to be naturally different from each other and that just because the other twin is good at something there is no reason to completely give up trying!!!!!

Encourage each of them to develop their own strengths and improve their weaknesses and not to pay too much attention to what the other one is or isn’t able to achieve.

If you can persuade them to see themselves as individuals even at this age, you are half way to making them believe that they are worthwhile people in their own right.

 Think how you would treat your children if they were 2 years apart in age not a few minutes apart.

Sometimes it is too easy to lump the twins together as one individual unit which will only lead to problems if you always do it!

What to do when one twin is vastly more confident or dominant than the other one
Not all twins have this difficulty; some of them find that they take it in turns at being more confident and outgoing than the other, swapping over depending on the individual situation.

 However there are some cases where one twin always leads and the other one always follows - one is dominant and confident and the other one more passive.

 This is something that needs to be addressed as in some peoples cases a type of labelling or stereotyping can occur and the twins end up following roles (“the dominant one” or the “weaker one” and they find it hard to stop being the leader/ the less confident one) the leader needs time to just be themselves without having to lead all the time, and the quieter one needs to be able to cope without the more dominant one leading the way all the time.

This could be solved by pairing up the dominant one to another child of similar personality in the classroom, or by trying to get the quieter one to make choices for themselves (something as simple as getting both twins to choose teams in PE or for the quieter one to say first what drink they would prefer first) can help to build up the confidence of the quieter twin.

Suggested solution
In extreme cases putting them into separate classes might alleviate the problem as they will then have to make friends with other children and the less confident one will be able to cope without the more dominant twin.

Give both twins plenty of opportunities to work one to one with another adult, and also with other children. If possible give both twins encouragement to help each other. Encourage the more dominant twin to let the other one take turns in choosing activities and the quieter one to stand up for what they want. It may take some time to conquer but it is possible to break these type of roles.

Important things to remember:

o Give plenty of opportunities for the leader to follow and the follower to lead

o Avoid labelling them as they may feel they have to behave the way their labels suggest.

o Work one to one with them as often as possible giving them plenty of opportunities to make friends with other children

o Remember to treat them as individuals at all times

Attention Seeking Behaviour at school
Twins have always had a lot of fuss made of them right from an early age. People cross the street to coo at twins in their buggies, will stop mums of toddler twins in the street to admire them and are very used to causing a stir wherever they go. Therefore you sometimes find that twins tend to draw attention to themselves as they are so used to having attention.

 This can be positive attention (either being very funny in class or being very clever) or negative attention (being naughty or playing up) this is something that parents and teachers of twins should be aware of.

The best way to deal with it is to stop it before it starts, giving twins responsibility, positive attention and lots of interaction, rather than wait until they do something to get your attention. Keep them well occupied and don’t let them get bored.

Teenage Twins in School
The change from primary school to high school can be a shock to the system, especially if it means longer days (perhaps traveling to school by bus or other public transport) and having to do homework. This is combined with having to arrive at school with the correct books, wearing the correct uniform, and taking PE kit on the correct day. If your children have been at a smaller school they may find it a little daunting negotiating their way round a bigger building.

But don’t worry unduly about this as most teenagers settle in nicely fairly guickly, and your children at least will have each other somewhere within the school area if there is a problem of any sort

Together or Separate?
Again you may be faced with the choice between keeping your twins together or putting them in separate classes. Again you may find that the school has a blanket policy of either keeping twins together or separate. If you disagree with their policy, it would be worth contacting the head teacher and finding out if you can negotiate for your twins to be grouped how you would prefer it. Often you find at high school that pupils are grouped in streams according to ability for lessons and only kept together for registration at the beginning of the morning and afternoon sessions.

If the twins are kept together at school all day long you might want to find other ways of giving them some space at home as sometimes twins need a little time apart. Encourage outside activities according to interest and encourage them to have their individual friends.

What do you mean you can only get one twin into this school?!
One other thing  to consider is that schools do NOT have to accept BOTH your twins, so you could be faced with the same school or not dilemma I have heard of a case of this faced by a parent of twins.

I suggested she contacted the head of the school she wanted them both to go to and appeal, as well as appealing to the education authority.

The outcome of this was both twins ended up in the same high school. However some parents positively elect to send their twins to different schools where there are a selection of good schools to choose from. You will be given chance to state what you would prefer and the choice is up to you.

Each set of twins are different so what works for someone else’s twins just might not work for yours and vice versa.

Sets and Streaming
Not all twins will be the same academic level, some sets of twins may have one twin who is substantially brighter than the other one, and in this case you will probably find that one twin is put into a higher set or stream (or working level) than his or her twin. This is absolutely fine as twins should be allowed to work at their own individual level. However you might find that the twin who is slightly less academically able may feel upset at not being in the same high group as his or her twin.

Keep reassuring them both that they are doing fabulously and try not to let the one who is more academic gloat too much about it :) Praise both of them for their individual efforts and achievements. Never say “oh well Susan is good at maths so why aren’t you” Remind them that they should follow their own life path and improve on their own personal best, not try to be like their twin.

Subject Choices
Encourage your twins to choose subjects that they are interested in. It does NOT matter if they choose different subjects.

 What does matter is they do something that they find interesting as it is easier to get a higher grade if you are interested in a subject than if you find it very boring.

Look at what subjects are offered at a higher level too and any subject requirements specified for courses at AS and A level and also colleges/ Uni.

School Grades and Study Schedules
When your children do exams, encourage them to have a go and do their best. Try hard not to let them compare their grades as each one must try their hardest and do their personal best. Encourage regular studying (preferably where they both have to do some quality study rather than simply argue with each other.) and give them regular breaks.

The optimum time to concentrate is 20 mins at a time. Ensure that they have regular healthy snacks and get plenty of sleep.

It can be hard however if one child is very capable and can get 70%+ in a test when the other twin can get 60% after a long hard slog. Encourage the one who finds it harder to keep going and trying as hard as possible.

When the grades do arrive through the post be as supportive and positive as possible.

Conclusion
Whether you choose to keep your twins together at school or not is largely up to you and what the circumstances of your particular school dictate. Whilst it can be a positive experience for some twins to have a little space from their twin during the school day, it certainly will not harm your children to be kept together. If you make a choice and later decide that the opposite choice may have been better, make a point of discussing this with your children’s school.

Children thrive when given plenty of praise and when thought of as brilliant in their own right. Try to downsize any massive differences in ability and hopefully you will sail through your twins school years with relative ease.

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Page Last Updated

July 07, 2010 

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